


A Deal With an Unsuspecting Mortal

by Anatthema



Series: The Gods of Vlas-Kaj [2]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Gen, Gods, Original Characters - Freeform, Original work - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anatthema/pseuds/Anatthema
Summary: I am chaos given personality. I am every roll of the dice which dictates random chance. I am every whimsy of luck or fate made to save or destroy you. I am every law ignored as reality binds to my own will. I shape my own path, given no purpose but to seek all that is beyond my grasp. I am the sheer force of will which instigates change as the endless repetition cycles for eternity. I govern what is not meant to be governed and so I seek beyond this foolish world for what lays beyond. You will grovel before me as all fate is held within my reach!
Series: The Gods of Vlas-Kaj [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544515
Kudos: 5





	A Deal With an Unsuspecting Mortal

Mortals were hilarious. They were so easily susceptible to whatever bullshit Churanak might throw at them next. Okay sure, SOME of them had sense in not taking an ominous deal where some random deity shows up, asks for you to make a wish, then asks for your name and ends up putting your soul in some death game or something. Like, who would ever take such a deal? Not that Churanak put people in death games. That definitely wasn’t a thing in THIS universe. 

Okay maybe Churanak had considered a death game once or twice but hey with ultimate power and the ability to gaze into other universes who wouldn’t get inspired by what other gods did? Shows were cool. Video games were cool. Too bad this lame-ass universe didn’t have any of those. They would think to themselves, come ON, just invent technology already, like you have LITERAL MAGIC and you haven’t invented the internet? Those non-magical worlds are like 10 steps ahead of you! 

But whatever. That was fine. Everything was fine. They could gaze into the other universes all they wanted on their off time. Maybe spend some time browsing memes, annoying Absence, or catching up on the BEST media from the multiverse. Like come on, if only they could adopt that goose bastard. They felt such a kinship with it. If only this universe was a little more interesting. 

But hey, it wasn’t ALL worthless was it? Mortals were absolutely hilarious to toy with. Making a deal with some mortal every once and a while was just plain fun. Churanak would never actually threaten anyone’s life. The equivalent of cosmic trolling was perfectly acceptable. Of course, sometimes serious deals had to be made but dear gods were those boring. Okay sure, you want a deal to gain cool warlock magic from your patron deity. But consider maybe you could make a deal to get rich and end up having to speak in vine references for the rest of your life. 

Maybe actually going through with these tasks were a pain in the ass, but who could BLAME Churanak for that? 3 separate consciousnesses were an absolute mess to deal with. Constantly fighting for control was just a daily occurence. Controlled Chaos was mostly the voice of reason. Though they didn’t exactly shy away from the dealmaking. Calculated Chaos just wanted to watch the world burn it seemed. They’d spend weeks planning their deals to be in every way imaginable the literal worst, but also that was definitely fun. Pure Chaos just jumped into deals. No thought, no plan, nothing. Why bother? The results were always hilarious anyways. The three entities certainly had their moments of actual coordination. All of them enjoyed peering beyond the void, annoying the ever-loving shit out of Absence, and loved making references absolutely no one but themselves would understand. 

Sometimes it was a bit lonely being the only person who actually knew what a dab was, who had heard the masterpiece of megalovania, and could quote every vine in existence, but slipping in some otherworldly references once in a while was hysterical. Dabbing has become a sort of religious gesture between their followers, and yet NONE OF THEM knew what it was. Several of their followers just saw them doing it every so often and that somehow caused the weirdest domino effect. To be fair, it was hilarious. 

Mortals were so feeble, so hilarious, so blind. Despite Churanak being the one with their eyes covered, mortals truly were the ones who couldn’t see. The infinite possibilities of better universes, more interesting stories were just beyond their grasp. Maybe Churanak’s domain wasn’t the void, but it never hurt to spend time gazing into the multiverse. Infinite possibilities, infinite choices, infinite memes. Why stick to what was here when everything beyond their plane was so fascinating? This world lacked chaos by other world’s standards. The other gods were blind to the possibilities. Oh sure, they had jobs to do but Churanak worked multiple jobs. They could be the god of chaos and also this universes’ most passionate fan of every media ever, because who else was there to do that job? Absence actually guarded the void, sure, but they didn’t have ANY sense of humour or taste. Why spend most of your time gazing at THIS world when there were so many others? They’d always act confused when Churanak told them about the internet or memes and it was even more disappointing when they wouldn’t react to Churanak replying “ok boomer” in response. 

But in any case, sometimes actual jobs did have to be done. Mortals always craved bits and pieces of power. Some would do anything to get anywhere close to god status. Even the ones who didn’t exactly want power sought other things in their short lives. Mortals wanted things. Some wanted the betterment of their society. Some wanted money. Some wanted attention. It didn’t matter what, every mortal had something their hearts most desired. Churanak found it amusing to help these mortals out. It didn’t matter in the end. Granting someone a wish just added another element of chaos into the world. And anyways, Churanak had a LOT of inspiration to work off of. To be honest, they simply had nothing better to do. And they WERE the god of chaos. Might as well wreck some havoc and live up to the literal reason you exist, right? 

Fortunately, right now someone was calling. Someone who sought the power and had the drive that mortals so often do. Churanak snapped their fingers, and in an instant, they were standing in their physical from in front of the eyes of a mortal. They took a few seconds to get their bearings. There seemed to be a classic arcane summoning circle beneath their feet. The darkly lit room had small hints of glow from candlelight. Dozens of books lined the shelves of the small room. In front of them stood the mortal, bright eyed and excited. 

“You’re here! It’s really you isn’t it? Oh my gods I can’t believe I did it. You came!” They squeaked in excitement. They paused for a few seconds. “I… thought you would look a little more… I don’t know… holy?”

“What did you expect me to look like, swiss cheese?” Pure Chaos said, jumping in control with the opportunity to make a quick remark.

Okay that was absolutely terrible. Controlled Chaos sighed in the back of Churanak’s head. 

“Huh. I didn’t expect a god to crack jokes.” The mortal responded.

“Okay, I’m not like those other gods. Most of them are crusty old fucks who don’t care about anything but their jobs!” Calculated Chaos butted in.

Hey, Absence at least likes us! And Dimension listens… Sometimes. Controlled Chaos argued.

Absence only listens because they have the TIME. Dimension is contractually obligated to visit their sibling every once in a while, and we just HAPPEN to be there at the time. Calculated Chaos shot back.

“Did you just… swear?” The mortal asked. “You know, you really don’t seem all godlike. Where’s the big booming voice, the wild presentation? You’re like what, 5’9?”

“Oh heck, I guess I better watch my language. It might upset the gods or something. Oh wait.” Pure Chaos responded.

Suddenly, Calculated Chaos butted in. “You ever have a parent that tells you not to swear but then does it all around you anyways? It’s like that. My house, my rules.”

“I…” The mortal stood, unable to speak.

“What? Does my form inspire such raw terror that you’re speechless. Thank you, thank you.” Churanak took a bow, snapped, and echoes of clapping and cheering filled the small room. 

“Well that’s one way to use your all-powerful abilities,” The mortal said, giving a nervous smile.

“Anyways, I assume you called me here because you’re gonna make some sort of deal? I’m always open to business partnerships.” Churanak continued, extending a hand.

“I mean that’s ONE way to describe a pact with an all-powerful god. But anyways, I’m looking to get power. I want to get abilities to make me strong. Would you lend me some of your power? I know the tides of chaos aren’t exactly stable, but they’re powerful. That’s why I chose you. I want to learn to manipulate those forces of chaos.”

“Remember, all deals come with a price,” Controlled Chaos replied.

“Why is that the case? You have nothing to lose. You basically have infinite power and yet you’re putting a price tag on lending me a piece of something infinite.”

Churanak looked at the mortal, a look of annoyance twitched across their face. “Listen kid, you’re supposed to agree to the deal no matter the cost because it’s great for dramatic tension. This isn’t a fucking thrift store and I don’t have all day. This is a warlock pact, if you wanted to just call upon the power of the gods you should have picked the cleric class.”

The mortal stared and blinked. “So is there a negative drawback or?”

“You know what, kid? Because you’re so desperate to sass me, I’ll offer a price just for you.” Calculated Chaos suggested.

We could just make it free though? Controlled Chaos offered.

Nah. Might as well spice things up for plot purposes. Calculated Chaos replied, brushing off the suggestion.

You know what, I can live with that.

“You know, you take a really long time to continue talking. Why are you just standing there?” The mortal asked.

“I. Uh. It’s a medical condition.” 

“Are you sure you’re a god?”

“YES! There are legends about me that detail my great and all-mighty power and the chaos I can deliver! You should cower before me!” Churanak cackled, making the illusion of lightning flashes light up the room.

I mean. We can’t even agree on how to control ourselves. They’re not really wrong. Controlled Chaos grumbled. What do we even WANT from them?

Hush, you carrot. I have a plan. Calculated Chaos responded.

Nope. No plans allowed. I’m taking the reins. Pure Chaos said, and immediately began to speak.

“ANYWAYS, I have the perfect deal for you. Just shake my hand, and all the power you’ll want, every inch of desire your puny mortal brain has, it will all be fulfilled.”

“My patron, you are a great god, you truly are, but would you at least tell me what you’re getting out of this? You’re making a deal. I know this will come with a cost. I don’t care what, I want to practice magic. I want to have that power coursing through my veins. But please, just tell me.”

“If you’ll do something no matter the cost then surely you’ll just take the offer? Shake it now, or the deal is off.” Churanak replied, glaring at the mortal. They extended their hand in an expectant manner. They twisted their mouth into a wicked smile, revealing their sharp fangs. “Mortals are quite hilarious. You call upon me to give you power, and now at the moment you get what you wish for, you’re hesitant. The cost shouldn’t matter. And anyways, it’ll be fun. It’s all just for entertainment value in the end.”

The mortal paused for a few seconds, contemplating. They nodded, and grasped Churanak’s hand firmly. Churanak took it in a tight grip and shook it. They could feel a small fraction of their power, now being shared with this insignificant stranger. They wouldn’t lose anything out of this, that was true, but tacking on some strange aspect made for great comedic purposes. The room lit up with a strange purple glow, a gust of wind blasting through the window. The deed was done.

“So. What was the drawback? Am I gonna turn into a frog or something?”

Right at that moment, a chorus of canned laughter erupted from seemingly nowhere. The mortal twisted their head around, looking for the source of this noise.

“Ah, perfect. It works even when they don’t say anything funny. Just like a terrible sitcom should.” Churanak nodded to themselves, pleased with their handiwork. 

The mortal paused. “You know. I can live with this.” They took their hands, and began concentrating magical energy between them. A small ball of ice formed, floating between their two hands. “You know, that’s pretty cool!” 

Once again, the canned laughter erupted out of nowhere, in all it’s cheesy glory. Churanak let out a genuine chuckle and smirked. “You know, this can make for some pretty decent entertainment. I think this will do.”

“T-thank you, my lord. I am in debt to you.” The mortal said, giving a quick bow.

“Okay kid, that’s cool. Have fun being the main character in a terrible sitcom or something. Seeya!” Churanak snickered, snapping their fingers and disappearing from the room before the mortal had time to react.

Well, that was certainly a mundane job well done. Sometimes spicing up the boring tasks led to a world of fun. Mortals were certainly one source of entertainment in an all things considered, pretty bland universe.

Of course, Churanak couldn’t change what their job was in this world. They were made for it. Tailored exactly by the cosmic forces to do this job. Every random act of disorder only existed because of them. It would be unfair to abandon their position. Even a world as bland as this one needed some chaos in it. 

But it was fine, the multiverse wasn’t going anywhere, and Churanak would now just have to move on to plant the next seed of chaos in a world that just needed a little spice in life.


End file.
